Three days ago, I decided to learn to play guitar.
Maybe that doesn't sound like such a big deal. Maybe if I explain a bit more, you'll see why it is a big deal. See, years ago when I was a teen, I wanted to play guitar so badly. I was in the school band, but clarinet didn't seem to have the same potential for expressing the angst I felt.¹
My parents were cool with the idea, and one Christmas I found a gorgeous guitar waiting for me under the tree. I was so excited, and immediately picked it up to learn, only to find out that holy CRAP it hurt! I learned a couple of chords, but never learned how to switch between them.
That guitar mocked me for months, until it eventually got put into the junk room. I don't even know where it is now. I felt so guilty, because even though I had a burning desire to learn, I had no skills and didn't know anyplace to get lessons. For some reason, I never thought to get a book to help.
Fast forward to today: I'm now 39, married and a mom, disabled, an artist and a writer and a thinker who misses making music and realized that hey...
I'm not too old to learn! It helps when you've got friends who tell you to quit whining and just do it, too. And so, after over twenty years of wanting to play guitar so badly I could taste it, I've done it.
That first step is a doozy.
It was an easier step considering it cost me exactly nothing. My son has an acoustic guitar and an electric, so I'm just borrowing his acoustic guitar. I finally watched so many youtube videos² that the longing won.
Surprisingly, I've made more progress in three days than I did the whole time I fiddled around with it as a teen. I think the difference stems from several things. First, I'm a bit more realistic now- I know it's going to hurt, and I also know it's going to stop hurting. That's ok, it's a fair trade off. I also know that I'm going to suck horrendously for a while, and that's ok too.
Honestly, how many times in your life can you tell yourself it's ok, you're supposed to suck this badly right now? It's kind of freeing, realizing that I don't
have to be perfect. It's ok to make mistakes, and think, and not be able to switch chords freely yet. Now, if I can't switch freely between 4 chords by Christmas, I might be a bit annoyed, but I'm getting there.
I've noticed some interesting things so far. It's strange, because it doesn't hurt as much as I remembered. I don't know if that's because I have a bit more perspective or because I've been through so much crap the last few years that it takes a serious amount of pain to sink in, but it's really quite tolerable. I find I have to stop because I'm overthinking well before any pain would stop me.
The overthinking is a problem, though. When I'm not thinking about it, I end up doing almost well... I can get my fingers where they need to be, mostly in the right position, mostly in time for the next strum. But then I start thinking, and before I know it my fingers are getting tangled, or I'm actually missing the neck of the guitar. How do you even
do that? I'm serious, I ended up with two of my fingers actually going underneath the neck.
My brain is my biggest enemy here.
But it's going, and I'm enjoying it. Although I do wonder how other women manage playing... my boobs get in the way. I end up having to sort of scoot the guitar under me, so that one boob is resting on top of the guitar. Then I can reach everything, but if I don't, it's just not comfortable.
Stupid boobs. Stupid brain. Stupid fingers. :D
¹ Although it was fun to play in the school bathroom, especially with my best friend. Man, the music would echo off those tile walls like magic!
² For example: Pomplamoose, Danielle Ate the Sandwich, Jack Conte, Nataly Dawn, Amanda F. Palmer, and too many more to name.
